School Mornings and almost living
Fall is here along with busy school mornings and longer nights.
With my husband working early morning hours it is my responsibility for school mornings. Currently four out of our five children are in school, so that is 4 children to wake up, get dressed, breakfast, packed, lunches made, and in the car to drive to school. We also have a dog to walk, and feed along with the cat. Mornings are typically busy.
Adding our 'new normal' of the reality of Fibromyalgia is a difficult task. I never know how much to freely share, or how much to hide. Once while working on sharing, my husband said I was only focused on it otherwise I wouldn't hurt as much. So I shut up and haven't complained about anything- and they forget that I am in pain...
So I have learned it's a lose lose situation. No one wants to hear about the pain, and no one is willing to remember you are in pain. So... it's a life of 24/7 pain and loneliness.
I remember being younger I had the flu, for two weeks on and off I was stuck in bed, feeling miserable... but I realize that it FEELS the same... the ache in my muscles and joints. The pain in my neck and soreness of my body. The exhaustion of never really sleeping and the mental fog unable to focus and difficulty remembering. The sensitivity to light and noises feeling like jabs of an ice pick. It's constant. It never ends. It is always there... some days are worse.
Then I need to get up and do things every day. There is a concept of spoons-You start each day with a limited number of spoons- each activity spends an amount of spoons- the spoons do NOT replenish or replace themselves. Once gone they are gone. You can only function with a spoon. Some activity costs more spoons then others- and each day the activity changes its costs of spoons. On a BAD day, getting downstairs dressed costs me many spoons from the pain, aches, soreness, the head aches, dizziness, weakness, and all over illness. Other days I can get it all done with just one spoon while feeling generally flu like.
I am trying to learn to balance my spoons. I hate this.
I've been to 7 different countries, I've hiked mountains, found natural springs of water, grew up swimming in cold water lakes, spent summers biking and exploring. Helped build a church in Dominican Republic, helped clean a missionaries home in France, I've visited London and Ireland, and lived in Thailand for 4 weeks-
I've traveled all over the midwest, southern, and eastern states. Minnesota and New Orleans, I've gone by train to Washington State and seen Mount St. Helens.
I've given birth to 5 living children from 5 lbs to 8.3, from 22 hours of labor to 16 hours of labor. Moved 11 times in my life and worked varies ministries. I've gone to Missions college and studied Psychology for counseling.
Now I have to judge if I have enough energy to take a shower in the morning AND do chores before everyone gets home...or if I need to rest so that I have left over energy to make a full dinner and play with the kids.
THIS IS NOT OK!
Now that the medical community has final proof that Fibromyalgia is real- a neurological pain (which the nerves are registering constant full pain- and the damage to the body as a result) I am so frustrated that so little progress is being made in treatment and cure!
Imagine being told you will be in pain for 24 hours 7 days a week, 365 days a year for the REST OF YOUR LIFE... then being told there is NO CURE, and you need to suck it up and live with it.
Watching your life slip away from you, wondering what is happening to your body and being stuck with only memories of what you have done, no longer able to do.
I am working on so many things- eating a non inflammation diet, stretching, using essential oil, vitamins, and going carefully.
It is like living on the edge of life... not having a full life, but not being dead... just on that edge of ALMOST Living.
Yet each morning getting up and getting 4 of 5 children dressed, fed, breakfast, and ready to go for school. .. then facing a morning of choices.
What would you do? What choices would you make?
With my husband working early morning hours it is my responsibility for school mornings. Currently four out of our five children are in school, so that is 4 children to wake up, get dressed, breakfast, packed, lunches made, and in the car to drive to school. We also have a dog to walk, and feed along with the cat. Mornings are typically busy.
Adding our 'new normal' of the reality of Fibromyalgia is a difficult task. I never know how much to freely share, or how much to hide. Once while working on sharing, my husband said I was only focused on it otherwise I wouldn't hurt as much. So I shut up and haven't complained about anything- and they forget that I am in pain...
So I have learned it's a lose lose situation. No one wants to hear about the pain, and no one is willing to remember you are in pain. So... it's a life of 24/7 pain and loneliness.
I remember being younger I had the flu, for two weeks on and off I was stuck in bed, feeling miserable... but I realize that it FEELS the same... the ache in my muscles and joints. The pain in my neck and soreness of my body. The exhaustion of never really sleeping and the mental fog unable to focus and difficulty remembering. The sensitivity to light and noises feeling like jabs of an ice pick. It's constant. It never ends. It is always there... some days are worse.
Then I need to get up and do things every day. There is a concept of spoons-You start each day with a limited number of spoons- each activity spends an amount of spoons- the spoons do NOT replenish or replace themselves. Once gone they are gone. You can only function with a spoon. Some activity costs more spoons then others- and each day the activity changes its costs of spoons. On a BAD day, getting downstairs dressed costs me many spoons from the pain, aches, soreness, the head aches, dizziness, weakness, and all over illness. Other days I can get it all done with just one spoon while feeling generally flu like.
I am trying to learn to balance my spoons. I hate this.
I've been to 7 different countries, I've hiked mountains, found natural springs of water, grew up swimming in cold water lakes, spent summers biking and exploring. Helped build a church in Dominican Republic, helped clean a missionaries home in France, I've visited London and Ireland, and lived in Thailand for 4 weeks-
I've traveled all over the midwest, southern, and eastern states. Minnesota and New Orleans, I've gone by train to Washington State and seen Mount St. Helens.
I've given birth to 5 living children from 5 lbs to 8.3, from 22 hours of labor to 16 hours of labor. Moved 11 times in my life and worked varies ministries. I've gone to Missions college and studied Psychology for counseling.
Now I have to judge if I have enough energy to take a shower in the morning AND do chores before everyone gets home...or if I need to rest so that I have left over energy to make a full dinner and play with the kids.
THIS IS NOT OK!
Now that the medical community has final proof that Fibromyalgia is real- a neurological pain (which the nerves are registering constant full pain- and the damage to the body as a result) I am so frustrated that so little progress is being made in treatment and cure!
Imagine being told you will be in pain for 24 hours 7 days a week, 365 days a year for the REST OF YOUR LIFE... then being told there is NO CURE, and you need to suck it up and live with it.
Watching your life slip away from you, wondering what is happening to your body and being stuck with only memories of what you have done, no longer able to do.
I am working on so many things- eating a non inflammation diet, stretching, using essential oil, vitamins, and going carefully.
It is like living on the edge of life... not having a full life, but not being dead... just on that edge of ALMOST Living.
Yet each morning getting up and getting 4 of 5 children dressed, fed, breakfast, and ready to go for school. .. then facing a morning of choices.
What would you do? What choices would you make?
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